Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Caution isn't for the Bold


Ever been so lost it's like you're in a crazy fog?
That's been my life for the past week. Nothing but wandering aimlessly through the dense fog I led myself into. A mix of emotions rushes over me each and every step I take, thoughts rush through my head as I try to sort out wrong from right. Am I leading myself in the right direction or am I going to see through the fog and realize I'm worse off than when I started? It's tough not knowing which way to turn, but I won't do this with caution. I'm a fighter; I'll stand by my side till the end.
Nothing ever works out the way you expect it to. When you think you have it all figured out and finally got it right, something is added to the equation and you start from scratch. Memories from the past you thought you put under lock and key deep down in a forbidden dark abyss of your thoughts soon start to flood you like a giant tidal wave. You start to second guess every move you've made since that time in your life. You ask yourself questions long forgotten and wish these thoughts would just go away. Everything was just fine before...right? Things you thought, and assupmtions you've made turn out to be wrong and the title you've put on now just doesn't fit.
When did all this truly happen and why can't I just forget it all and never have to think about that time and place again? The deepest, lowest place I've ever been now seems to fade and I want back the good that eventually brought all that pain and that feeling of utter and complete loss.
I start to think maybe it truly is fate, or just a part of my life I can't run from or pretend not to care about. As much as everyone knows touching a hot stove will burn, you still have that urge to check it again. So why, why then do we continue to do it? Out of curiosity? Out of shear desire to want to feel that rush of adrenaline? Out of wanting to go back in time and relive that very moment when everything changed forever? Who then can tell me this?
It seems everyone has there opinion and no matter how mine changes it won't ever be right. So in the end caution is needed for the bold. Because even the bold have things to lose. Even the bold don't always try their luck, for they know they could lose the happiest place they've ever been. No one wants to be out of that place. As the fog lifts, I'm finding that the place I'm in can't be worth losing over the place I was. "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." ~Great Gatsby




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About Me

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I love to travel and someday I'd like to be able to say I've been everywhere.
Nature is where I like to be, the calm breeze, tall grasses, just the calm silent beauty helps me escape.
I say whats on my mind, so you'll have to deal with my sometimes random frankness.
My life is far from perfect but nobody's is, if they say it is, they're lying to themselves
My family and friends are what I live for and I have a big passion for soccer.
What else can I say? I'm an outgoing, fun, loving, advice-giving person, so give me a your problems and I'm willing to listen. =]